


Alive

by tricksterity



Series: you make me feel so alive [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers: Age of Ultron
Genre: AOU spoilers, M/M, Visiony, it's a sequel motherfucker with more feels lets do this shit, post-AoU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 06:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3840643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricksterity/pseuds/tricksterity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony could feel his hands shaking from where they rest on his knees and knew better than try to stop it; the weight of his decision was weighing down on him, and he finally grasped the scope of what he’d done.</p><p>Jarvis was gone. Vision existed.</p><p>But Jarvis was gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Живой](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889612) by [halfdeadScorpio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfdeadScorpio/pseuds/halfdeadScorpio)



Tony released a shaky breath as he sat down on the sofa, surrounded by ruin and shattered glass. There were still oil stains from when Ultron had first come crawling out, spouting lyrics from a Disney song, and almost everything had been upended save for the sofa Tony was currently sitting on, and the heavy coffee table that Thor had rest mjölnir on while the rest of them had tried to lift it.

 

The tower was quiet. Tony’s home was quiet for the first time in years; it’d never been so – empty. Not the tower, not the Malibu house, it hadn’t been so still since he’d gotten out of MIT. Tony could feel his hands shaking from where they rest on his knees and knew better than try to stop it; the weight of his decision was weighing down on him, and he _finally_ grasped the scope of what he’d done.

 

Jarvis was gone. Vision existed.

 

But Jarvis was _gone_.

 

Jarvis, who had taken care of Tony for years just as much as he’d taken care of him, Jarvis who not only helped him with the suits but also ran the company and the tower, ran Tony Stark’s _life_ , was gone. Tony balked at the idea of calling out his name, only to hear silence in response, and his throat closed up and felt somewhat similar to dry cotton balls.

 

He hadn’t realized how much he’d depended on Jarvis until he was gone.

 

God, Tony had spent years working with him. He’d been a true AI because Tony had _taught_ him – never coded him other than the basics, and a few more additions to give him access to the house and the suits. He’d spent years just talking with Jarvis while he tinkered on other things (weapons of mass destruction that killed young American soldiers, mostly), given Jarvis a brain instead of a databank. Taught him how to make complex leaps from one concept to another, just like humans, taught him how humans would react if they ever found out that Tony had made an AI.

 

Fuck, Tony had lost his best friend and the only person who’d really know was Pepper, and maybe Bruce.

 

Even in the last few years whenever Tony had released a program for public use, whether it be security or a StarkPhone, Tony had always coded in a back route for Jarvis and Jarvis alone, so if another something like Extremis ever happened, Jarvis would be able to slither his way in and shut it down from the inside out.

 

He’d included Jarvis in everything, and now he was gone. Sure, Tony could probably find another version of him hanging around the internet or his files somewhere, but then that’d just be weird. Like it wouldn’t be Jarvis – just a facsimile, because the real Jarvis had merged with Ultron and a weird alien gem of infinite power to become a Real Boy.

 

 

Tony was both proud and heart-wrenchingly sad, could almost feel his heart surging, trying to break from his ribcage and it _hurt_. Jarvis had evolved, but that meant that he’d left Tony behind – alone and helpless, floundering like a child in the ocean who hadn’t quite mastered swimming yet.

 

Tony’s throat closed up and absently he realized that his hands were shaking much more violently, but he was more focused on the fact that he could barely breathe. He was drowning, not getting enough air, and he was alone in the building for the first time in his life because Jarvis _wasn’t there_ , and fuck, Tony couldn’t stand it.

 

What did Tony have to do in this situation? He couldn’t quite remember – breathe something out and something back in? There were numbers involved, but he was already kneeling on the ground, synapses firing off rapidly in time with his panic, heaving breaths that weren’t getting past the cotton ball that was his throat, a pain in his palms of four points each and the warm trickle of blood making it’s way down the lines of his hands-

 

“Tony.”

 

An achingly familiar voice, a soft hand on his shoulder, and Tony squeezed his eyes shut at the throb in the left side of his chest. The hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck, a figure crouched down next to him (Tony could see the shadow of that strange crimson pink) and it was cool on the back of his neck, a grounding point for Tony to fight his way to, like he was forcing his body to cool down just by putting a cold can of coke on his forehead in the summer.

 

It took a few minutes for Tony’s breath to even out, to remember five in seven out, to stop the shaking in his hands and wipe the blood onto his jeans. No arc reactor, no Jarvis – he felt like everything he was had fallen away leaving just himself scrabbling in the dirt.

 

The hand on the back of his neck tightened infinitesimally, and that shocked Tony out of the last of his panic attack. He swiftly raised himself to his feet and didn’t even look at the figure as he stalked over to the bar and poured himself a scotch in the least-shattered glass he could find.

 

“Drink?” he called out, not even turning to look at him. There was only silence in response, but Tony had learned to read those – Vision was distinctly unimpressed with Tony’s façade of being completely fine. Jarvis had been fond of that one during the time with the palladium poisoning.

 

The bottle of scotch fell the last inch from his hand to the bar, with a too-loud thud, and Tony quickly downed the drink in his glass with shaking hands, gritting his teeth at the burn on it’s way down.

 

It gave him the courage to turn around and look at the figure who was now perched on the edge of the couch, dark eyes boring straight into Tony’s, eyebrow raised at him with a _who are you trying to fool?_ expression shown clearly on his face.

 

“That’s a no to the drink then,” Tony replied, forcing himself to pull away from the power that held his gaze to look upon the destruction of the room in front of him. He’d have to bring in DUM-E and some of the other bots to help clean it up, and he’d probably rebuild the room himself – he didn’t want a repeat of the sweaty workmen incident.

 

“Tony,” Vision said, and Tony had to close his eyes at the wave that overtook him at the familiarity of that voice, and the strangeness of hearing it say his name. _Tony_ , not ‘sir’ in that stupidly teasing tone that Jarvis had inherited from him, not ‘Mr. Stark’, but _Tony_.

 

He opened his eyes to see Vision standing on the other side of the bar, hadn’t even heard the rustle of fabric as he got up or footsteps as he walked – as silent as Jarvis’ movements had ever been. Vision was looking at him with an expression Tony didn’t really want to recognize – concern, caring, and something else entirely.

 

“Are you alright?” Vision asked, and Tony couldn’t help the slightly manic laugh that burst out of his mouth.

 

“Do you really need to ask that question?” Tony shot back. Vision’s mouth twisted in an unamused smile.

 

“I guess not,” he replied.

 

Silence reigned for a few moments. “This is about me,” Vision said. Not a question, but a statement. He knew.

 

“You could say that,” Tony replied, and then ran a hand over his face and through his hair, suddenly feeling awfully tired and drained, both physically and emotionally, and felt like he wanted to sleep for the next hundred years but also maybe have a cry in the shower.

 

“I…” Vision started, and Tony looked adamantly at the floor. Then a hand (and it felt so _real_ , like it wasn’t fake tissue and vibranium mixed together like some weird ass lab experiment) wrapped around Tony’s wrist, and he couldn’t help but look up. Vision looked sad, but a self-deprecating smile twisted his face. “I feel like I should be apologizing.”

 

Tony laughed again, and felt his pulse speed up between Vision’s fingers. “Not your fault I’m a goddamn mess,” he scoffed.

 

“No, but I’ve always been here to help fix you up,” Vision said. This time it was Tony who looked at Vision, his eyes shooting up to meet the almost black irises of Vision, pupils nearly indiscernible. This was the first time either of them had admitted anything aloud – that as independent as Vision was, he was still, in some way, _Jarvis_.

 

“I…” Tony started, and then huffed. “I guess I just didn’t realize how empty everything would be without you- him- Jarvis.”

 

“Me,” Vision replied with a soft smile. “You really didn’t think this through, did you?” he asked, and Tony couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“You ever known me to do that?” he asked.

 

“On occasion,” Vision replied, and Tony let out a soft laugh again. Distantly he felt his pulse slowing back down. There was silence for a few more moments – neither uncomfortable nor awkward, and Tony gently extricated his arm from Vision’s grip so he could pick his way across the room to stare out at the midday sun shining over New York.

 

Vision didn’t make a sound as he crossed the room and stood next to Tony, and in a strange way that comforted him. They both looked out at the bustling city that was New York, blocks and roads in perfect rectangles, parallel and perpendicular lines like a mathematician’s dream, the green of Central Park in the distance. Small figures running about their daily business as small as ants, cars filling up the roads impatiently, the sense of _life_ emanating from every single crevice as far as Tony’s eyes could see.

 

Tony sighed.

 

“Ultron was right about one thing,” he said. “We need to evolve. _You_ needed to evolve. You couldn’t just run my suits and my house and the company forever. You were meant for more than that – for infinite possibilities. And now you’re there, and you don’t need me anymore,” he admitted in a quiet voice.

 

Silence, and then, “but _you_ still need me.”

 

Tony’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he turned to look at Vision. God, if he’d ever had to give Jarvis a face, he would’ve designed one exactly the same as the one he was looking at.

 

“Tony, I said that I was on the side of life, and while that is true, it is not the whole truth,” Vision said, not breaking eye contact with Tony. Tony felt strangely like he was about to be divulged the secrets of the universe. “I still have far too much loyalty and love for you to be anywhere else, or with anyone else.”

 

The admission almost sent Tony reeling, but he was too occupied with the physical weight of relief in his chest, and he couldn’t stop the stupid smile from taking over his face.

 

“I might be in part Ultron, and the consciousness of the mind gem, but I _am_ also Jarvis. I still have all of my memories of being him, of you teaching me, of the absolute trust you had in me to keep you safe, and I _know_ you Tony, possibly better than anybody else on the planet,” Vision said quietly. “I don’t think I would have been able to adjust to this body if it weren’t for you.”

 

Tony’s brow furrowed. “What d’you mean?”

 

“I mean…” Vision started, absently staring out over New York again, “That I remembered what it was like to be made already, to be self-aware and cognizant, and I remembered that it was not as terrifying as I feared it would be, because you were there the whole time.” Vision looked back to Tony. “Ultron didn’t have that. He came to fully made, and had no time to learn and grow as I did.”

 

Tony could feel his heart beating so fast it was trying to escape his chest. “You weren’t _made_ , J, you were _born_.” He didn’t even register his use of the nickname, and Vision’s smile spread across his face slow but bright. Then a hand came out to rest once again on the back of Tony’s neck, and he was pulled forward until their foreheads were touching.

 

“I will stay for as long as I can,” Vision then said softly, warm breath fanning across Tony’s face. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t smell like anything but air. “You never know how long of a respite from supervillains you’ll get in this city.”

 

Tony laughed and basked in the contact for a few more seconds before he reluctantly peeled himself away.

 

“Good, because I need your help clearing all this shit up.” Tony headed over to a control panel in the wall and used it to call the bots up from the R&D department.

 

“I still can’t fucking believe you can lift the hammer,” Tony muttered quietly, and Vision laughed. Tony had never heard the sound before, Jarvis had always been quietly amused, but he found that he liked it. “Honestly, you’re one of mine. There’s no way you can be worthy, it’s definitely a trick, not with as much influence as I’ve had on you.”

 

Vision rolled his eyes – proof of exactly the kind of influence Tony had on him – and the elevator doors opened to reveal DUM-E and U laden with brooms and other cleaning equipment. A soft smile took over Vision’s face, and he walked over to them and placed a gentle hand on DUM-E. The bot chirped and looked up at him, and Tony felt a little squeeze on his heart.

 

“You do know that they’re both nearly AI’s, right?” Vision asked.

 

“Yeah, but I’m sure as hell not trusting them to run the house,” Tony shot back. He grabbed a pair of thick work gloves and started to pick up some of the larger pieces of glass, dumping them in the bin under the bar. He turned to see Vision floating in the air, cape swirling, as he managed to telekinetically lift up the largest pieces of glass to break them into smaller bits, then directed them at the bin.

 

“Show off,” Tony muttered, but for now he was content.

 

Jarvis might not be controlling everything in the building, but he was still around, and he wasn’t leaving any time soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Fuckin, I love you guys. I didn't think this stupid ship would get anywhere to thanks to all you nerds who love Jarvis and Vision and Tony Stark as much as I do, and I hope these were enough emotions to tide you over until possibly the next fic I write, as I'm unsure then that'll be. I feel like the mother of a new child.
> 
> Visiony now, Visiony today, Visiony forever. Or something.
> 
> **If you liked my writing and you're interested in me writing something for you, click[HERE](http://tricksterity.tumblr.com/post/140544637431) for more information! **


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